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08 November 2013 @ 09:00 pm
 
OK then...... so that was fun

i have been having this continuing dream fro 4 days now. even if i close my eyes for a little while it continues. It has been evolving and leading to something and led to it's conclusion today while i slept (cause i have been sleeping a LOT for the last four days) it started out with me as a seven year old vampire that was turning 77 and was getting an internet ordered adult guy for a present. through the dreams he was like my teddy bear. a teddy bear that was also a sippy drink cup. somehow he was taken from me and i had to preform all these odd tasks to try to get him back. slowly i stopped being a 7 year old vampire and became an even fatter parody of myself. More adventures with the same people and new ones in more horrible places and more and more embarassing situations. finally i got to this point that i had to defeat various things ending up being sentient cakes with swords and i had to fight down to the last white cake. When i finally got to the last white cake no one would tell me what to do with it til the last moments of the dream. It was a white cake made of cement and frosting and yellow cake with a elbow from a downspout in the center. i was supposed to fit it over a 200 foot tall flagpole and get it to reach the ground. At this point i was fucking determined to do this shit. as i was able to take some control of the dream and cut the pole into a standing piece with a small enough diameter to thread the cake on i was told if i was able to do this then i could have the great reward of dying.

then it got real. there were shadowy things talking to me about it. the inner ganesha had kicked in which would not let me quit but i also did not want to die. then i realized something that in reality i keep deep to myself. I kinda do want to die. and i admitted it out loud in the dream in frustration. All the pain would be gone. all the problems would be gone. all the bad would be gone all my failure would be gone. and for a second i wanted nothing ever as much as i wanted to slam dunk that cake on that sliver of pole so i could die.

but then i felt it in my real body. my heart started beating out of time. some of the voices started egging me on. and a quiet but very loud voice simply stated that did i really want to leave Dave with my mess and to have to deal with all that and after everything would i just leave Aku like that. if i had screamed as loud as i did in the dream i would have broken windows down the block. i tried to jump up anyway only to be hit by some invisible barrier. not because i wanted to die anymore but because i was this fucking close to finally finishing all the things that i had been doing to this point. i was just one tiny move away from finishing all the tasks. My inner Ganesha was furious that i was not done yet. the way should have been clear. finally i hit the ground and tore the damn thing in pieces and tossed them everywhere. in reality my heart stopped being a dick. i felt myself come very very close to completely awake as i breathed in deeply not realizing i had stopped breathing for however long in reality.

now i am awake with fleeting images of this dream in my head. i am pretty sure that was the end of it. IT is cold as fuck outside. it is late. but i need to be near people right now. so i think i am going to go to burger king or something even though it may be raining snowing or what have you and the cold will break me. I just need to be around people right now to know i am alive and working.
 
 
 
eqfeeqfe on November 9th, 2013 11:41 am (UTC)
::hugs:: Damn what a terrible experience. I hope that you are back to a dreamless sleep now.
Akira Shima: Eyeakirashima on November 10th, 2013 07:00 pm (UTC)
Dreamless sleep is so rare for me it is far more memorable than the dreams i have. and usually only happens when i fall asleep near someone that has nightmares a lot. they will wake up with happy dreams in their head and i will feel like i never slept and having had no dreams. but yeah that was a really nasty dream sequence... i am glad it is over.