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04 January 2014 @ 05:01 pm
 
i am more deeply wounded than i ever realize. i am sitting here in the cold basement afraid to go upstairs and see someone visiting lest it make them real and make my fears about their presence real. I know we have an open relationship. as much as anyone can call it a relationship. but i am terrified of meeting her. i always loose to women when it comes to relationships. Always. and if it plays like the last one then i am afraid i will be looking for a new home as i get tossed away like so much useless garbage. but then i should be used to this. i really should. i am only ever good enough til something better comes along. that is how it has always been. for just about everything.

yes i should talk to Roxy but i never know how to start a conversation with them. about anything like this anyway. and all the old wounds make it so fucking insanely painful.

yeah great thing to post about for the fucking new year. and after not posting in so damn long
 
 
 
eqfeeqfe on January 5th, 2014 12:50 am (UTC)
::hugs:: We all post about what's happening in our lives, good and bad, beautiful and ugly. Sometimes when you share your fears it's easier to face them. Sometimes all we can do is try.
merlinwon: heartribbonmerlinwon on January 6th, 2014 03:00 pm (UTC)
***HUGS***
(Anonymous) on January 7th, 2014 02:46 am (UTC)
It is easy to be afaraid and live with it when you don;t know what is happening, but the only way to know what is happening is to TALK to the person! If you don;t communicate you live in the false fear of what you think might be and not in the light of the truth. You know that Roxey will NOT lie to you or kick you out! I know you fear he/she will, but deep down you know better. You are happier thinking you know what will happen than asking and knowing for sure.
Also, while I have not even the slightest belief that you will be kicked out, you DO have a place to go because we would take you in...but you don;t want to hear that. You only want to be afraid and not talk to them and find out what is realy happening.
Please communicate.
(Anonymous) on January 11th, 2014 06:45 am (UTC)
4th Posting: Your Journal Said I Was Spam.

Dave won't kick you out. I've never got that vibe from him in the time I lived there; you'd have to actively fuck with him and pull some serious shit I'm sure.
Apparently I'm not allowed to post a fucking link. The journal settings say no.
Just search youtube for "Keith Medley" "In The Hall of the Mountain King" and you should find it.

Anyway, they attempted playing "In The Hall Of The Mountain King" downstairs at the bar, so I was snooping Youtube for a metal version lol.
Akira Shima: Eyeakirashima on January 15th, 2014 09:38 am (UTC)
and they wonder why so many people have left this place... I will look for it later. i am in a very fucked up mood right now.
(Anonymous) on January 22nd, 2014 01:25 pm (UTC)
hi hi terrence here how you doing. i have a couple of days off ahead jan 24th and jan 25th thinking of dropping by. i would call but i lost my cell awaiting replacement. boy oh boy welcome to the artic gfs says no above freezzing untill some time in feb. i hope you prepaied the water pipes. and let hope no water main breaks accure. some days may reach lows of neg 14 f and highs around 5 to 0f off and on.
Akira Shima: Eyeakirashima on January 25th, 2014 06:23 am (UTC)
do come over. :) thats right before my B day!
ladyapple27: pic#87799438ladyapple27 on February 7th, 2014 04:38 am (UTC)
*HUGS*

Don't be so hard on yourself. You are more than good enough.